It's Lonely Being Lonely

A friend of a friend reached out to me via my Myspace page (yeah, yeah, I know) to ask if I still wrote (I do, though I often dedicate my writing time to either my private journal or in the novel I'm writing). Apparently, she has been reading this blog as she struggles with her own similar situation, and she found it to be a source of comfort and inspiration. It is with that in mind that I begin this post.

I should also mention that the waiting period is now up for my divorce. The date expired last week, and I took it a lot better than I expected.

Some days are good; some days are bad. The goal is that over time, the good days will become better, and the bad days will become more tolerable. For me, I've noticed that exact thing. Over the last 6 months, I've grown emotionally stronger. I'm both more confident, and more comfortable with myself. I no longer dread being alone the way I once did. Indeed, the other day I thought about traveling without a companion and it sounded fun. For me, that's a huge statement.

There is something else I've observed over the past 6 months, though. In situations like this, you find out who your real friends and loved ones are. You know the ones I mean: your staunchest allies, your biggest advocates, the people who hurt when you hurt. It becomes painfully obvious who these people are, but not in the way you might expect. You realize who those closest to you are, because you find yourself intentionally not discussing your pain with them.

That may sound silly, but if you think about it for a minute, it makes perfect sense. The last thing I want to do is hurt the ones I love the most. Unfortunately, these happen to be the same people that would suffer on my behalf if they were aware of all the fine details. Since I don't want to cause any suffering, I find myself sheltering them from details I know would bother them, which incidentally also happens to be the ones I really feel the need to talk about.

What this all boils down to is that it is really easy for someone in this situation to quickly develop a real sense of isolation. I try to manage that by reaching out to strangers - by writing this blog, for example. I've also had good luck with standard stress-management techniques: exercise, plenty of rest, lots of water, etc.

Perhaps the most important bit of advice I can give, though, is this: if you're struggling, as I have struggled (and arguably continue to), know that you are not alone, despite how it may feel. Understand that although you may feel isolated, there are others out there (perhaps even strangers) who care what happens to you, and who are willing to help however they can.